Monday, August 1, 2016

If only sarcasm burned calories...

It can't be a diet, it needs to be a life change.

Yeah, and cookies don't taste good.

Before being pregnant, I stayed at a steady weight relatively easy. After work, I would spend an hour or two at the gym, disconnecting from my day and reconnecting with myself. Now my little one is a year and a half, and I stay at a relatively higher weight. It's not that I can't lose weight. There are no thyroid or metabolism problems in my life, but I never make time for it.

I don't have time to...

Shenanigans. I hate it when someone tells me they don't have time for me. What they really mean is that they don't want to make time for me; I'm not a priority for them. My weight is not a priority for me right now. Among being a mother, wife, and student, and having a full-time career, redoing my bathroom (although my husband would say I'm waiting for the bathroom to redo itself), and starting a blog...I don't put diet or exercise on my list.

Health will become part of my list, somehow. I will make time. But, here are some things I will not do in my journey to a healthier me, because we all know these people.

5. Post photos of my healthy meals.

Since the boom of Facebook, there has been the long running joke of people posting pictures of their meals. As if it was breaking down that last barrier between Facebook friends and real friends. No worries, I'm not always proud of my dinner presentation, and I know you just do not care. #MacNCheese.

4. Overload my social media with motivational pics.

Pinterest is a great place to find them. #IfIFollowYourAdviceIllLookLikeYouRight.

No matter how slow you are, you're still lapping everyone on the couch.

I'll save those photos for myself. Not really. They don't really work for me. My motivation, instead, will be providing my impressionable daughter with a healthy role model. She's already picked up that after each time I help her, I say the same thing. Now she says it after every accomplishment, big or small. Got it!

3. Become a fanatic.

If you've found the workout or diet plan that is pitch perfect for your life, congratulations! And, thank you for wanting to share it with your friends, family, strangers on the street. I, personally, am not really a fanatic about anything. Sure, I'm pretty supportive of the whole Marvel Universe, Iron Man is my favorite. Mostly, I'm a fan of Robert Downy Jr and wish he didn't waste time figuring out is life and instead provided fans with more of his acting skills.

No matter how into CrossFit, BeachBody, Yogalates, Plyo, whatever, I get...you'll only be hearing about it if you ask. #YoureWelcome.

2. Sell my fitness to you.

To back up that whole fanatic thing. I won't become a coach, reseller, trainer, what have you. Some people find a lot of success selling products out of their home through companies that support autonomy and personal success. Those companies are a benefit to many a stay-at-home-mom. If I like you, I'll support you and most likely purchase. Heck, if you lose 30 pounds and become a BeachBody coach, I'll probably temporarily Facebook stalk you. But I won't be selling to you, it's not my thing. Sales is a viable part of our business environment and society, it's just one that I don't enjoy. #Sold.

1. Stop eating cookies.

That's right, I like cookies. They do, in fact, taste delicious as long as I didn't make them. The cookies I make taste temporarily delicious. They are the kind you want to eat fresh from the oven, before they turn rock hard and you chip a precious tooth.

I'm not big into sweets, but I do like to splurge once in awhile. There will still be pasta in my life. There will be lots and lots of white cheddar popcorn. But, with everything balance is key. If I eat hard, I'll work hard to earn it. #WorthIt.

Health is hard. If it wasn't, our society would look completely different. Many jobs now center around a desk environment. They say sitting is the new smoking, at least it was in a movie I watched. #TheIntern.


Hey you, you there, have a fantastic day. 

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