Saturday, September 10, 2016

Four-way-stop, not for the weak of heart.

Dear Mr. Impatient,

It was nice to see you again at the four-way-stop near my sister's house. Whenever we meet, I am overcome with a joyous sense of irritability and anger. You bring it out in me and inspire my rage.

I am so thankful that you, Mr. Impatient are far superior than the mere rules and courtesies of traffic. Red sign, schmed sign. You're above it all. 

Granted, utilizing a four-way-stop is not difficult. It is only a matter of waiting your turn. But, like many of the individuals shaped and inspired by our do not stand for waiting. Taking turns, schmaking turns. Why stop when you can do a Michigan stop? You are, after all, a Michigander.

My father once told me this joke...

A driver rolls through a stop sign.

A police officer sees this and pulls the driver over.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"


"You failed to stop at that sign back there."

"Well, yeah...but I slowed down a lot. It's the same thing."

The police officer pulls out his baton and begins hitting the driver. 

"Now would you like me to slow down, or would you like me to stop."

Of course, Mr. Impatient, you probably find this joke inaccurate and a gross display of police brutality. Then again, you also think that cutting me off and then waving with your middle-finger is appropriate. Clearly your judgment is solid.

Hope you enjoyed getting to your destination a few seconds early than if you were a courteous driver...that is, if you made it. But I get it, it's 2016 and everyone is in a hurry. Why should you be any different? The microwave is too slow. Speed limits and traffic laws are really only guidelines, or they should be. Why would you want to be safe on the road? Just because I'm driving my sleeping toddler doesn't mean that it is precious cargo to you. 

I bet you went home and posted on Facebook how ignorant drivers need to stay off the road. It will soon be buried under all your other grievances. Because that's what our world has become, a place that encourages shouting opinions on virtual walls. That's what this letter is after all. The difference, yours will probably be full of hate and a disappointing display of what you refer to as 'free speech'. 

But hey, don't slow down and stop before posting your hateful and illiterate rant.
After all, Mr. Impatient, stopping is only for the weak.


Snarky Marcie
a.k.a. The Female Driver You Flipped Off

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